MetalWolfGemstone

Hey everyone, it’s been quite awhile hasn’t it? A lot has been going on in my life that has lead, or is leading to, some pretty big changes in my life. I’ve been more active over on Instagram now as it’s much easier to navigate than the mess DeviantArt decided to go with. I’m trying to settle down on a more “professional artist” level than just “hobbyest”. I’ve been selling a good chunk of my art (although not enough to make it an actual job with steady income), so I believe that qualifies as “professional”. Also because of this, that means I’m mass deleting a ton of my art. For years I’ve kept all my artwork I’ve uploaded because I wanted my account to be a type of ‘time capsule’ that records my evolution as an artist. However, a lot of these pieces are the first things to pop up when my name is searched on Google and I don’t want those to be someone’s first impression of my art. Also I’m trying to go for a more ‘family friendly’ public display while NSFW pieces (sexual, gorey, foul language, etc.) will be stored in a private place. Another reason is much of those drawings have writings in the descriptions from a young, teenage version of me. Some of it is very ‘cringe enducing’ (I have no other way to describe it), or had some problematic language that, as a mature adult, I don’t really want to have associated with who I am today. I’m turning thirty this July and I have definitely matured and come a long way since my early DA days. So, most of my art will be deleted, but a good chunk of art (such as commissions and trades) will be archived. The only pieces that will stay in my gallery are ones I am still proud of, all art concerning ARPG species any art concerning The Hidden Key and all photography.

Now onto my personal life. I have deleted much of my journals (the same reasons I’m mass deleting art), so I guess I’ll explain everything since my first real falling out around 2016. A lot of my faults have been identified about two or three years ago as being attributed to Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (or ADHD) as well as Autistic Spectrum Disorder (or ASD). This caused every single thing in my life to finally make sense. For my entire childhood and early adulthood I thought I was just stupid, lazy, a procrastinator and purposefully forgot things. The autism also made it extremely hard for me to try and communicate how I felt or what was wrong with me. I’m very upset this wasn’t known sooner, perhaps a lot of my mental and emotional trauma from abuse and gaslighting wouldn’t exist. But I digress- now that I knew what was wrong, I started to see a psychiatrist and he put me on adderal. I can not BEGIN to describe how much easier basic chores have become. Not only that, but I can recall more things faster and easier. Now, it’s not a cure-all, but it has helped me a LOT. It also helped with my fear of change and anxiety- actually why I feel like I can start to return to DeviantArt once more. The closing of groups I loved, the massive site re-design and the thousands of unread comments/notes was so terrifying, I couldn’t even think of DA without feeling close to an emotional breakdown. Now, some major changes in my life began around the end of 2017 after my cat Nala passed away. That October I adopted my cat Kiara and the next year in June I adopted my cat Ana. Ana has become the baby Nala had been to me. She‘s kept me from falling too far into depression, not just from the loss of Nala, but from what was to come down the road. At the beginning of 2020, my grandfather passed away from liver failure (he was unfortunately an alcoholic). Then, of course, the Pandemic reached America but it literally did not change much of my life, aside from taking my Great Uncle a month or two after I lost my grandpa. I’ve been unemployed, can’t drive, live far out in the country and living in my bed for 15 years or so after I dropped out of college. The only difference was now I had to wear a mask when I went out and my mom and I couldn’t visit my nieces and nephews for their birthdays. You can bet how annoyed I was with people constantly complaining about being stuck in their homes for one year when I’ve suffered fifteen years of it. But, again, I digress- the following year (2021) around the end of July, my grandmother passed away. She was already very frail and in poor health, but my family and I believed she was only hanging on for my grandfather. When he passed away, it was like she could finally let go. Then, earlier this year (2022) my grandparents’ dog, Ranger, got hit by a car. Now, let’s back up to last year: on the exact day after my grandmother’s passing, my mother suffered an aneurism.

Now it’s around here that the biggest changes of my life happened and I am both extremely upset yet super exhilarated that it happened. My mom, thank god, managed to survive. In part due to me, I had never seen her with this bad of a “headache” before so I told her that I was taking her to the hospital. I called a friend who lived down the road to drive us there and I was very calm and ’in-charge’ as I managed to get mom into the car, gather some things including a pillow for her and her purse, and signed her in. That’s where they found out it was an aneurism. After about two weeks in the hospital, she was well enough to continue recovery at home. However, the only one able to care for her was my sister who lived two hours away (she and I stayed those two weeks in hotels while mom was in the hospital), and my sister could only work away from home for so long. So, after about a month or so, she took my mom to live with her. So I have been basically living on my own for about eight months- and it’s been the most freeing and wonderful sensation. No longer held back by my overprotective mother, I was able to prove to everyone that I could take care of myself. I handled all house chores, not just my own, I made my own doctor and dentist appointments, scheduled bus rides for appointments and shopping trips, kept track of my own prescriptions and refills and could do everything at my own time and pace. I finally got to make some mistakes and learn from them where, in the past, my mom would dissuade me from even trying something in the first place because she just assumed I’d fail, thus I never learn. I actually baked homemade cookies from scratch and made grilled chicken, which is incredible because I don’t know how to actually cook/bake real meals that aren’t frozen, in a can, in a box or already put together for me. And finally, I managed, on my own with no help, to get my first job back in February. I absolutely hate it because it causes me so much physical pain and emotional distress (I push carts in a grocery store parking lot for six hours with only TWO 15 minute breaks), but I’m still grateful I got it. It’s only part time and I only get $190 a week. But I told mom this way she didn’t have to worry about having money to pay bills and putting money into my bank for food (she was terminated from work for being on disability leave for so long), my job would allow me to pay for my own food and house needs (laundry soap, paper towels, etc.) and pet food so all she had to worry about was the house bills.

As of today while I write this, my mother is still living with my sister (I went over there for Christmas and they came over here for a few weekend visits because my mother’s primary doctor lives over here), I am currently looking for a job that’s more suited to my interests or at LEAST doesn’t force me to pop Tylenol and ibuprofen daily, working on writing two novel series (one about my grandparents dog, Ranger, and one about the origins of The Hidden Key), working on a webcomic and preparing for the biggest change in my life:

Moving to my own apartment.

When I turn 30 in July, I am coming into means and resources to where I can get a nice “head start” on apartment rent. I plan to move to a township on the edge of Kalamazoo, closer to where my sister lives. The reason is because my mom will be moving down there so she can be closer to her grandkids (my brother and his kids live down in that area too). The only reason she and I stayed in the house we have currently for so long was to be close to my grandparents. Now that they are gone, we have nothing that ties us here anymore. As much as I love living in the country surrounded by woods, it’s not practical for someone with as many handicaps as myself. A city area will give me more transportation opportunities, not just a local bus, but taxis and Ubers. I’ll even be close enough to bike or walk to places I need to go to. And there would be MANY more opportunities to get a job in a field involving animals or art. (I live in redneck, USA, they don’t care about art and the only animal jobs are vets for farm livestock). In the past I always dreaded leaving this home. I’ve lived in this house since I was five years old. That’s 25 years. But, because of all the frustrations I’ve had (my overprotective mother, my need to be able to stretch out beyond just my single bedroom, needing a place with better transportation and more opportunities, etc.) I am absolutely READY to get out of here. Will I miss this house? Of course, but the aspect of a better life suited for someone with ADHD, ASD, PTSD, C-PTSD, anxiety and depression is far too appealing.

Thats all I can really think of to say about what’s been going on. If anyone wants to chat or see recent Art/photos or just follow whatever is happening in my life, visit my Instagram @/MetalWolfGemstone (personal and photography) and @/MetalWolfGemstone.Art (Art, obviously).

So, here’s to a new start with DeviantArt! Once I finish mass deletion, I’ll start to post a few new art pieces and photography. Also, to all those that read through this whole thing, you are absolute champions and I’m extremely grateful. 😌💖